


(sometimes you just have to) commit to your commitment issues.

by ivermectin



Series: yet another self-indulgent dan & nate raise milo verse [2]
Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: AU: Dan gets to keep Milo, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Discussion of Commitment, Family Feels, Getting Together, M/M, POV Dan Humphrey, gosh D/N are SO in love in this it's almost embarassing, mentions of s3 william/lily (& the fake cancer), the numerous issues of nate archibald
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 07:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30001662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: “I’m just scared I’m going to be the next William van der Woodsen,” Nate says.
Relationships: Dan Humphrey & Milo Humphrey, Nate Archibald & Milo Humphrey, Nate Archibald/Dan Humphrey
Series: yet another self-indulgent dan & nate raise milo verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206962
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	(sometimes you just have to) commit to your commitment issues.

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually, chronologically, going to be MUCH further in. like it does not continue where part 1 left off.  
> i'll reorder + rearrange if/when i write more.  
> this series is just a little thing to do when life gets me down, as opposed to #1 priority.
> 
> anyway. here you go!
> 
> oh: something i meant to warn for - dan uses the word 'neurotic' to describe himself at one point, which i'm aware has a lot of connotations that aren't necessarily great. that said, i _do_ think it's a word he would use for himself here. which is why it's there. just a heads-up!

Dan opens the loft door quietly, back from the library, careful not to make noise in case Milo’s just falling asleep. He carefully sets down the books inside, by the doorstep, and walks in, and then stops in his tracks, because Nate’s on the couch holding a sleeping Milo carefully.

This is not what’s weird; Nate and Dan are practically always taking turns at Milo duty, and it’s a common occurrence for Dan to get back from an errand and see the two of them like this, and it makes him feel warm inside every time.

This time is not like that. Nate has obviously been crying, and if body language and mannerisms are anything to go by, he is still crying, albeit quietly.

His face is blotchy pink, the same way Serena’s face would go post-sobbing sessions, and he’s cradling Milo to his chest. Milo is asleep, one pudgy baby hand pressed against Nate’s flannel, his head resting in the crook of Nate’s neck.

Dan has never seen Nate cry, and it makes something practically shatter within him, a sudden feeling of urgency striking him extremely hard. Nate’s holding Milo carefully, steadily, even as his own breathing is shaky, even as he blinks excessively, sniffing.

Dan never really spent a long time dwelling on it, but he thinks that it checks out, that Nate would be a silent crier. Considerate even when sobbing; the Archibald charm. It makes Dan feel so many things.

He closes the door carefully, and Nate starts a little at the quiet noise, looking up at Dan with wide eyes. Dan strides over to the couch, sits next to Nate, puts an arm around him, and props himself up with a cushion to get enough of a height advantage to rest his chin on Nate’s head, to pull Nate closer without jostling Milo.

“Everything okay?” Dan asks, softly.

Nate exhales, curling up against Dan. “Yeah. He – Milo – he spoke.”

“That’s not a bad thing, is it?” Dan asks, quiet. He remembers the way Milo had said “Da,” and they hadn’t known if he was saying Dan, or Dad, but it’d made him feel all full of warmth anyway. “Did he like, say fuck, or something?”

Nate snorts, despite himself, and then blinks, pressing his wet face against Dan’s shoulder. “He said _Nate_. Well, he said Nay. And he reached for me, with both his hands, like he was calling me?”

“Hey, that’s good,” Dan says. “My kid knows who you are.”

“It’s so much,” Nate says, shakily. Dan’s hands, which are already holding Nate in place, begin to massage what Dan hopes are comforting patterns down Nate’s back. “It’s too much. I’m scared.”

Dan frowns. “Scared of what?”

“Milo isn’t even my child in any capacity,” Nate says, quietly. “If – I don’t – I can’t –”

Nate stops, takes a shaky breath. “You know how Serena’s dad leaving impacted her,” he says, quietly. “I know Milo isn’t my kid, so I don’t want to make this comparison. But I think I’m scared that I’ll end up, you know, being like that. Letting your child down. If he recognises me, I’m just going to fail him at some point.”

“No, you’re not,” Dan says, certainty like steel in his voice. “You’re not.”

“I disappoint people,” Nate says. “I’m nobody’s anchor, I’m everybody’s summer affair. Your child shouldn’t expect stability from me.”

“First off, Milo is a baby, it’s not like he’s going around telling people you’re his parent,” Dan says, calmly. “He recognises you because you’re here, for me, all the time. You are very much my anchor, and you’d never be a summer affair to me, even if we have sex right now. You give me a sense of stability, and you’ve always been here for me. You’ve never failed me.” He swallows past the lump in his throat. “Isn’t it good, that my son recognises his dad’s best friend?”

“I’m just scared I’m going to be the next William van der Woodsen,” Nate says.

“Well, don’t give me fake cancer, and we’re all good,” Dan jokes, aware that it’s in bad taste but still trying for levity.

“Don’t even joke about that, good lord,” Nate says. But the comment serves its intended purpose. Nate gives Dan a _look_ , and he looks a little less sad.

Their faces are close enough that if one of them leaned in a little, they’d immediately kiss. Dan does not dwell on this.

“Okay, but seriously, you’re not going to be that,” Dan says, quiet. “You know it’s not who you want to be. I think that awareness itself sets you apart from him.”

“Dan,” Nate says. “Keeping Milo’s feelings aside, do you… resent me for being here?”

“Huh?” Dan wonders if Nate started speaking a different language, because there is no way he can really be asking this. “What?”

“I’ve just interjected myself into your family,” Nate says. “I’m helping you raise a child. And I don’t know, what you want, or who you want to be with, if it’s Serena, or Blair, or Vanessa, and I’m just here, and your son’s second word, after your name, was _my_ name. Doesn’t that scare you?”

“I think it scares you more than it scares me,” Dan says, softly. “I’m grateful for you. I don’t think I could raise a child alone, I’m too neurotic. But are you sure here is where you want to be? It’s a big commitment. And you’re not going to break Milo’s heart, if you leave. He is a baby. You’re probably somewhere still in the object impermanence scale to him when it comes to all of that.”

“I only understood half of that,” Nate says, but he’s smiling a little. “I’d like to be here. I’d _like_ to commit. Nobody believes I really can.”

“I’ve always known you can do whatever you want to do,” Dan says. “The question is, what do you want to do?”

Maybe he shouldn’t be that surprised when Nate leans forward, kissing him. Say what you will about Dan; he gets with the programme damn quick, kisses back deeply. They make out for a few minutes, and then Milo shifts in his sleep, one of his hands slapping Dan’s chin.

“Oh my god,” Dan says, startled, and Nate laughs, clearly unable to hold it back. “How insolent.”

Nate nods solemnly. “Kids nowadays,” he manages to say, before he’s laughing again. Nate’s laughter is infectious, and Dan laughs too. He presses a kiss to Nate’s cheek, shifts, moving the cushion away, carefully taking Milo from Nate’s arms, holding Milo himself, and pressing his back against Nate’s front, half on Nate’s lap. Nate’s arms curl around Dan, easily.

“Traded one baby for another,” Nate says, dead seriously, only the twinkle in his eyes indication of the joke.

“Shut up,” Dan says, but he’s blushing, and he knows how his smile looks; big and wide and flustered. “I’m a wholeass father, Nate.”

“You’re my baby.” Nate has this look in his eyes, the look he gets when he’s trying to rock the boat and cause trouble on purpose. Dan loves him.

He still has a sense of pride, though. “I’m older than you,” Dan protests. Nate kisses him, perhaps to shut him up.

Dan lets him win; this time.

It’s nice, he thinks, resting his head on Nate’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Having a family.

**Author's Note:**

> as always: hmu @ bisexualdanhumphrey to reblog milo moodboards and other such nonsense. it's always a good time.mp3 <3


End file.
